Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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