Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
