so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
