Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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