windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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