i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
