I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
