she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize