Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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