My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dick very happy bro
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
