I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize