oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
