I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize