Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
