you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
