Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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