There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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