The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry about my life...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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