I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
