Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
