There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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