Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
