apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
