I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
