I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
do nipples grow back?
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