my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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