EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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