Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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