All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
