it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
