Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
