i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
