he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Still dying that you shit outside
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
