also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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