I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
