Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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