cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
