Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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