I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
