a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My penis needs a shock collar
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
