I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
