No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
