I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
