This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
