He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize