I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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