that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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