I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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