this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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