guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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