What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
