Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
