I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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