Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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