I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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