I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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