she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
