Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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