Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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