Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
