I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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