butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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