the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
