I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
