I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
