i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
