My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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