So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This house was built for laser tag.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
