whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
