You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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