They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
