we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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