Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
