Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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