He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
