he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
