chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
