Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize